I Entertain The Thought Of Renewing My Past Fruitful Business Relationship With Rite Aid.

An actual postcard that showed up in my mailbox awhile back:


It wasn't enough that I sent that back to them along with my wish that they have intercourse with themselves. A couple weeks later they followed up with this gem.


I guess I just wasn't clear enough with my first letter. I'll try again.

Dear Asshole:

Nice job leading off with the Obamacare stuff. Totally original idea trying to instill fear in people by spreading bullshit about the Affordable Care Act  But it's not bullshit you say? Then let me ask you this...

What's your company's plan for dealing with this apparently apocalyptic scenario? (Revenues down by as much as 0.4%!!!!) After all, while I have 1 store, you have over 5,000  nearly 4,600 of them. So whatever catastrophic impact is coming down the pike is gonna be 4,600 times worse for you. So I bet you have a plan. Right?

Right?

Because in your annual report, you don't seem to talk about it much. Just a quick little mention in the section where you're legally required to warn investors about every little thing that could possibly go wrong with your business. You seem far more worried about something called the Coutu family. Man those people seem to scare the shit out of you. I think I like the Coutu family.

Anyway, let's move on and see what else you have to say here.

"Due to our highly-regarded reputation in the retail pharmacy business...." 

BWWWWWAAAAAAAHHHHAAAHAHHAAAHHHAAAHHAAAAAAAA!!!! Seriously? Highly regarded by whom exactly? Crackheads who know you stock the yellow Norco and pressure your pharmacists to fill inappropriate controlled prescriptions? I didn't realize many of those guys had jobs as Wall Street analysts. Or even jobs.

"As you can imagine, it has been a 'Win-Win" situation for everyone involved" 

No, I can't imagine that.

"If you are interested in exploring this opportunity to utilize your professional training, skills, and expertise, please contact me...."

Did you know I once told 35 people where the bathroom was in one of your stores in a single hour? I don't blame them, as (shoplifters take note of what I'm about to say) you really can't find anyone else working in one of your places. I do blame you though for the respect you showed our professional training, skills, and expertise by implementing that 3 prescriptions in 15 minutes guarantee. Seriously, if you can't come up with any good ideas of your own, stealing from a failed Domino's publicity stunt (that got them sued) isn't the best alternative.

And I didn't even mention the coupon book giveaway with every flu shot. The dog food in there was a nice professional touch.

So, sorry to break your heart, but the answer's no. I'll take my chances in the post Obamacare pharmacy calamity picture you paint, and if it all goes to shit next year, that'll be at least one year where I get to maintain my dignity, self-respect, and professional judgment. Which is more than I ever had when I was associated with your organization. The fact I couldn't wear a colored dress shirt because it showed right through your paper thin company issued "lab coats" says it all really.

And if by some chance I do manage to survive the coming disaster, when the time comes for me to retire to that great pill room in the sky and pass on my legacy, I will find a deserving kid just out of college and GIVE my life's work to them before I will ever allow you to put a hand on it. The people of this town have been too good to me for me to subject them to your standard of "service"

There isn't enough money in the world.
Never write back.
Fuck off.

Sincerely,

Me.


Share on :
I Entertain The Thought Of Renewing My Past Fruitful Business Relationship With Rite Aid.
I Entertain The Thought Of Renewing My Past Fruitful Business Relationship With Rite Aid.
Reviewed by malaria
Published :
Rating : 4.5