Good Morning Rite Aid!!

How are you?? I'm so glad that you want to keep in touch. As you can imagine, I was a little surprised when I checked my hit logs and saw that someone from the corporate office is still visiting my humble little blog garden several times a day. But then, I realized that since you can't really be plotting to fire someone who isn't working for you anymore, you must be coming around because you like what you see. I'm flattered. Maybe all that striving to be the next Jon Stewart, the next Stephen Colbert, to become the next Onion is starting to pay off.

Do you like Jon Stewart Mr. Rite Aid Corporate Hack that can't get enough of my writing? Do you think Stephen Colbert is real? When he testified in front of Congress did you think he was a newscaster giving journalistic insight into one of the major issues of the day?

I hope you didn't. Because that would make you really stupid. Someone who would have to have explained to them that people like Colbert, Stewart, and the writers of The Onion use satire and outrageous behavior to make larger points simply wouldn't have the brainpower to be an executive at a successful drugstore chain, a goal I know you must aspire to while putting in time at your current job. I know you get it though, because when I tried to explain this to you the last time we talked, you totally cut me off, like you already understood.

Which can only mean this violence in the workplace policy you claim was violated was meant to provide protection from fictional characters like Stephen Colbert and The Drugmonkey. You did notice that on the day of our final meeting my name had never appeared on this blog, right? That this wasn't a blog by David, but a blog written in the character of The Drugmonkey, correct?

Of course you did. Because you're really smart.

You must really take your fiction seriously Mr. Hack. Because when I, David, called your media people to get information on your plans to bring in scabs should a Southern California strike happen, I was told that this was only an "unsubstantiated rumor"

So, when The Drugmonkey wrote that any scabs that come out here deserve to have their ass kicked "so hard their rectum ends up in front of their incisors" you immediately swung into action. To protect an unsubstantiated rumor from a fictional character.

I can only hope that someday you'll treat real people as well.

Just to show there's no hard feelings though, I'll leave you with an entertaining little clip that I'm sure I won't have to explain to you.

Or will I?

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Good Morning Rite Aid!!

Reviewed by malaria
Published : 2012-08-14T00:00:00-07:00
Rating : 4.5