Another Nominee For The Lloyd Duplantis Of Gray, Louisiana "Worst Pharmacist Ever" Award.

If you don't know who Lloyd is or why he has the honor of having the "Worst Pharmacist Ever" award named after him, you should search the blog or buy my book. I would prefer you buy my book because then I get money. You also get a kick-ass book. Total win-win.

Anyway, our tale today comes from the land of Donny Osmond and Brigham Young. A land formerly of many wives and currently of world class skiing. I'm talking of course of Iowa. No I'm not. I just decided to mess with you there for some reason. We all know it's Utah. To the city of Draper and the town's local K-Mart, which employed a pharmacist named Robert Lammle:

Police said Lammle decided "to mess" around with the customer’s prescription on Oct. 20 after he verified with a doctor that the prescription for 240 oxycodone pills she provided was fraudulent.

Hm, this is actually kinda promising so far. I'm generally in favor of messing around with prescription forgers.

Lammle filled the prescription bottle with M&M candies and sold it to the woman

And if the story ended there our reaction could be... bwwwaaahhhaaahhaaahhaaaaa. I once worked with a guy who actually did this. The story doesn't end there though.

When the woman called later in the day complain about the candy

....which takes some chutzpah.

 police said Lammle told her she had to pay him $500 or else he’d turn her over to authorities and she’d lose custody of her children.

Hahahahaha....just a little messing around. Kinda like when I just told you I was writing about Iowa. Except I didn't try to make you give me $500. It gets better though.

Four days later, the two allegedly met in secret at Kmart and Lammle gave the woman 240 pills for free, charging documents state. Police said he told her she had week to sell them and bring him $3,000.
 Another pharmacist, coming back from lunch, ran into the woman in the store’s parking lot and watched her run up to the drive-thru window and obtain the bag of drugs. That pharmacist checked the pharmacy’s records and noticed that Lammle had generated a prescription for the pills, police said.

A solid argument for making sure every pharmacist gets a lunch and every pharmacy drive through gets shut down I would say.

On Oct. 30, the customer called Lammle and told him she was only able to sell half the pills, and he told her to bring $1,500 and the remaining 120 tablets at night when he was working alone, police said. Investigators said the woman hadn’t actually sold any of the tablets. 
Lammle was charged with the third-degree felonies of solicitation or arranging to distribute a controlled substance, obtaining a prescription under false pretenses and a misdemeanor count of attempted theft by extortion.

By the way, I once heard Donny Osmond tell Howard Stern he'd never once had a blowjob, and I believe him. There's something about Mormons that fascinates me. So creepily clean-cut. That doesn't have anything to do with this though. I guess my mind is wandering.

Lammle, 51, of Salt Lake City, later told Drug Enforcement Administration agents that he thought his "pressure" tactics would force the woman to get help and go to rehab for her purported drug addiction problems.

 Which totally explains the $3500 he was going to get from the deal. He was probably going to donate the cash to pay for her treatment.

Mr. Lammle, your name is now officially in nomination. I have a feeling you may soon learn more about blowjobs that you ever thought a person could know.

Thanks to the alert reader who tipped me to the story.

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Another Nominee For The Lloyd Duplantis Of Gray, Louisiana "Worst Pharmacist Ever" Award.
Another Nominee For The Lloyd Duplantis Of Gray, Louisiana "Worst Pharmacist Ever" Award.
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