You May Have The Wrong Idea About Rite Aid's 15 Minute Prescription Guarantee.

CAMP HILL, PA- In a fictional news conference held today to counter real criticism of the company's new 15 minute prescription guarantee, John Standley, President and CEO of struggling drugstore operator Rite Aid gave a surprising explanation for the new initiative. Taking the podium half an hour late "Due to unforeseen circumstances" Standley told reporters "When organizations such as the Institute for Safe Medication Practices say things such as 'the message from pharmacy chains is clear, it's all about speed.' they miss the larger point of our plan. While there is certainly a customer service component involved, the main idea here is customer assurance. Namely, assurance that Rite Aid will stay in business long enough to successfully complete the filling of your prescription."

"Let's face it." Standley didn't add. "This place could go under any minute now. And having us close up shop while waiting for medication could range anywhere from simply inconvenient, to, in the case of a narcotic dependent customer in need of a fix, absolutely harrowing. Well that won't happen at Rite Aid. Let me give my word to everyone out there that we will close the in window at each of our stores at least a quarter of an hour before any Chapter 7 bankruptcy filing, giving us time to take care of the needs of each and every person in our waiting room before we join the ash heap of business history"

"I can say this because for me, it's personal. I understand the anxiety a customer goes through in that period between dropping off a prescription and completing the register transaction. Will someone from the sheriff's office come in and start seizing assets in order to satisfy a creditor? Could a bank possibly swoop in and conduct a foreclosure? Will they have to sell off inventory in order to make the next junk bond payment? These are all very good questions. Ones of a type I sometimes ask myself while checking 5 or 6 times a night to make sure my paycheck was credited to my bank account."

"My 4.5 million dollar paycheck" He didn't say as he went on. "I got paid four and a half million dollars to lose over half a billion last year. Isn't that something?" Standley then didn't wistfully stare off into space before being interrupted by a reporter asking about the wisdom of repeating the Domino's Pizza 30 minute delivery guarantee fiasco.

"Domino's mistake was that they never put in writing that they in no way intended for their employees to shortchange safety." Standley never said. "We have made it clear in official corporate communications that we expect our pharmacists not to sacrifice accuracy in order to meet our time requirement, meaning that when one of them does and the lawsuit comes, our butts will be covered."

"Besides, we don't have any money anyway. We went over that, remember? You can't get blood out of a turnip"

When reached for comment, a spokesman for CVS laughed hysterically for five minutes.
Share on :
You May Have The Wrong Idea About Rite Aid's 15 Minute Prescription Guarantee.
You May Have The Wrong Idea About Rite Aid's 15 Minute Prescription Guarantee.
Reviewed by malaria
Published :
Rating : 4.5