Highlights From Friday's Pill Counting Action.

"We really appreciate the extra effort you've put in since the start of flu season" The District Manager said to the Drugmonkey. "Knowing you can step up to make sure prescriptions still get out the door when the other pharmacist is tied up giving flu shots during her half of the day is a big help to us. I saw that you filled three times as many prescriptions during your shift than she did in hers yesterday. That's really an example of the type of teamwork we're going to need in order to make our immunization program a success. Thanks again"




Insert a good 15 seconds of silence here............









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HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh.....god.....think I pulled a muscle.....from laughing.......it hurts......

bwwwwaaahahhaaaaahaaaaaaa......oowwwwwwwwww.......

Just the thought that a district manager would even know I'm doing three times as many prescriptions as the other pharmacist now, much less react to it.......

ha ha ha ha ha.....ow ow ow ow ow.......

He really told me I had some overdue computer training modules to complete. I think they had something to do with boxcutters. He also told me to stop skipping my lunch break when it's busy. I want every other non-California retail pharmacist to read that again. A corporate suit told me to stop skipping my lunch.

Once that sinks in I have this to say to every non-California retail pharmacist. You picked the wrong state sucka. Ha ha.....ow.

The first customer of the day presented me with their insurance card and told me, "This new plan only covers 14 Ambien tablets every 30 days. I just wanted to tell you in order to save you the trouble of trying to bill for all 30."

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Oh God I'm on a roll......

BBBBBBBBBBWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh Jesus. I think I really might have hurt myself. No. Seriously. I spent like 15 minutes trying to explain to the customer why they were only getting 14 tablets. I can't feel the left side of my diaphragm muscle now. I hope I can still breathe.

I've decided my American Indian name will be "He Who Solves Great Problems." I wish I could tell you how I earned it, but mulling it over, the situation was so convoluted, such an incredible comedy of errors, totally the eternal monument to the cluster fuck, that there's very little I could say about it without running the risk of going afoul of HIPAA.  I'll just tell you it involved simultaneously outsmarting a doctors office, Medco, and a competitor on the other side of town. They all threw their best incompetence at me and I mowed them all down. Because I am He Who Solves Great Problems and my pharmacy penis is thick and long. I reveled in the self-satisfaction and the $1.50 dispensing fee I had earned.

It didn't last long. "What do you mean by foam?"  The customer asked while looking over the Band Aids. This is the kind of question I struggle to answer without sounding like a smartass. I mean.......foam......like.......you know.....foam?

The customer must have been happy with my effort, because she followed up with an even greater challenge.

"What do you mean by feel better?"

The person then came to the counter and picked up a prescription that was being billed to Workman's Comp. Which means this person once had a job. Which means someone once looked at them and said to themselves, "This 300 pound mouth breather who can't get her brain around basic nouns and concepts is definitely the best choice for my organization" I pondered that for awhile. And the fact there are currently 15 million people in this country who can't find a job.

I was snapped out of it by the sound of another customer walking by, "I'm a nurse, I know how a pharmacy is organized!!" she said to her friend. Pay attention to your surroundings my friends, and you will constantly be learning things. This day I learned that they teach how to set up planograms for large chain drugstores in nursing school for some reason.

I farted and the lights got dimmer. I swear. It happened twice.

From the waiting area I hear, at more than full volume. I FORGOT MAY HEARING AID......YOU WILL HAVE TO SPEAK UP. YES......WELL.......SHE MARRIED A NEGRO SHOE SALESMAN AND I DON'T KNOW WHY.......HE MADE LIKE $7.50 AN HOUR AND I DON'T KNOW WHY SHE WOULD MAKE SUCH A CHOICE......

The nurse came back and asked me where the Imodium might be.

A car alarm sounded in the parking lot and everyone in the store stopped what they were doing to rush out and stop a possible felony in progress.

BWWWAAAAHAHHHAAAAAHHHHAAAA!!!!.....Oh Jesus. I might have to go to the hospital.

A guy was wearing female Uggs and I tried to figure out if he was making a statement or was just stupid. I was really worried he might get too much credit for being a free spirit when in fact he was just dumb.

Five minutes till closing and a young couple walks to the counter. He asks for Sudafed. I ask for an ID.

"I would have one if SHE wouldn't have lost my license!!"

"WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO TO HELL!!!!"

And then they stormed off. Making me feel much better about the fact I would be returning to an empty condo.
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Highlights From Friday's Pill Counting Action.
Highlights From Friday's Pill Counting Action.
Reviewed by malaria
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Rating : 4.5