The Latest Diabolical Plot By CVS To Destroy The Profession.




From the latest issue of the trade mag Drug Store News, which for some inexplicable reason gets mailed to my house every month, or maybe every 2 weeks. I don't know. I try not to pay much attention to Drug Store News:

WOONSOCKET, R.I. ( Mar. 15) —Serving as yet one more indicator of the vital role that pharmacists play in the U.S. healthcare system is a program implemented by CVS Caremark and Polk County, Fla., that clearly illustrates how clinical pharmacist interventions can improve diabetes outcomes for patients.



Clearly. That's why the opening paragraph of this story, in its entirety, is one giant 45 word sentence that doesn't say a goddamn thing. Because it's so clear. That sentence hurts my eyes. It's obvious what the real problem is here though, and it doesn't have anything to do with whatever this program is.

That pharmacist is touching a diabetic. The day I have to touch a diabetic will be my last one in the profession.

"We've been figuratively pimping out our pharmacists for years" CVS Charmain and CEO Thomas Ryan said in a fictional interview. "So we thought actually employing our professional staff as prostitutes was the next logical step. It not only allows us to meet the needs of this large segment of our customer base, which, let's face it, is quite often extremely unattractive and lacking in social skills, but also to elevate the status of the world's oldest profession by creating an association in people's minds with the healing sciences."

Ryan fictionally went on to say that CVS pharmacists would be instructed to create an emotional bond with program clients, and to never charge extra for a happy ending. Any tips will be 100% property of the corporation. "Just like in our immunization program" Ryan said in my mind.

I don't know what the deal is with the actual program. I gave up after I got three paragraphs into the story and they still hadn't spit it out, but I can't take that first sentence anymore. Here:

A joint program implemented by CVS Caremark and Polk County, Florida, clearly illustrates how clinical pharmacist interventions can improve diabetes outcomes for patients, according to a case study recently published in the American Journal of Health-Systems Pharmacists. 

First sentence is free Drug Store News. Anything more and you gotta pay me. I'm sure the people at Drug Topics will tell you I'm worth it.

Unless you want me to hold a diabetic's hand. Not enough money in the world to get me to touch a diabetic.
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The Latest Diabolical Plot By CVS To Destroy The Profession.
The Latest Diabolical Plot By CVS To Destroy The Profession.
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