I Take Issue With One Of My Literary Heroes, And Other Highlights From My Vacation



“The vainest, most slap-happy and irreverent of men, in the presence of redwoods, goes under a spell of wonder and respect.”

-John Steinbeck, "Travels With Charley" 1962








This redwood tree totally looks like it has a penis. And considering the scale of the redwood penis versus the size of the redwood tree, I kinda feel sorry for Mrs. Redwood. It was also located maybe 500 feet from a sign with that Steinbeck quote, making me wonder if it wasn't some sort of test that I failed.

At any rate, I had a great time on vacation. There were days on the hiking trail that I never saw another human, a feeling I could get used to. The local population of the area did go out of their way to make me feel welcome though:




I'm sure it was just a little good natured humor between Native Americans and the people who stole their land and killed most of them. Ha ha ha.

Here are some elk that scared the living piss out of me by appearing out of nowhere on a day the fog was so thick it was a challenge to see the hand on front of my face:



The elk started to make some sort of grunting noises, which if my elk language to English skills are up to par, would translate something like:

"I know our species has been a vegetarian one for thousands of years Bob, but seriously, would a little meat kill us every now and then? The bears look like they have so much fun when they maul one of these things"

The elk eventually decided to let me pass, which is a good thing for you, otherwise you would have no one to ask next week why your copay is so high.

Sigh. Back to work on Tuesday. I guess I'm glad the elk didn't trample me. For some reason.

I have my memories though, and the promise of a return trip someday when the humans get to me and I decide I'd rather hang out with the elk. When I do make it back I think I'll help out Mrs. Redwood and slip some Viagra into the root system of the penis tree.

Out of respect of course.
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I Take Issue With One Of My Literary Heroes, And Other Highlights From My Vacation
I  Take Issue With One Of My Literary Heroes, And Other Highlights From My Vacation
Reviewed by malaria
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Rating : 4.5