I'm Tired Of Hearing About All The Things My Mother Supposedly Did For Me.

Brought me into the world, changed my smelly diapers.....blah blah blah. Well you know what? I think it's a little funny I have no memory of these so called events taking place. 

My first memories of the world are around the time of Watergate. I remember being on vacation, and after a hard day of threatening to pull the car over and knock some sense into me and my sisters, Dad turning on the TV at the motel and saying something about wanting to hear the latest on Watergate. The TV then warmed up and immediately showed a man falling off a cliff. For years afterward I thought Watergate had something to do with that man falling off the cliff. Little did I know that was a metaphor for our nation. 

Anyway, my point is that the whole Watergate thing started in 1972, reaching a climax with Richard Nixon's resignation in 1974. I supposedly "came into this world" in 1969, which blows a hole a mile wide through this whole mother "brought me in" story.

And diapers. I have no memory of ever wearing one of those things, and I don't see why I ever would have. Going to the bathroom isn't rocket science, and I can't think of a time when I couldn't handle it. Besides, my shit smells like roses, so even if someone did have to change one of these "diapers" I was wearing, I can't imagine it would be anything other than a pleasurable experience. 

I'll tell you something my mother didn't do. Talk me out of going to pharmacy school. As a matter of fact, she seemed rather happy the day I saw a classified ad in the paper and announced I would be a pharmacist because they made a lot of money and "I'm sure I could do that." Pfffft. So now I'm a pharmacist and not a Pulitzer Prize winning novelist. Thanks for that Mom.

I sent her some flowers anyway. Because I don't believe in negativity bringing me down. I suppose you should probably do something for your Mother tomorrow as well. 

Because your shit probably does stink.

 


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I'm Tired Of Hearing About All The Things My Mother Supposedly Did For Me.
I'm Tired Of Hearing About All The Things My Mother Supposedly Did For Me.
Reviewed by malaria
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