The National Community Pharmacists Association Takes Bold, Decisive Action To Safeguard Our Professional Interests.

Cut and Pasted from an article in Drug Topics , the leading pharmacy trade mag, about a recent nationwide increase in pharmacy robberies:


The National Community Pharmacists Association (NCPA) started noticing an increase in pharmacy robberies about a year ago. As a result, it started a program to help its members prevent and deter robberies.......NCPA is also seeking congressional designation for "Protect Your Pharmacy Week," its annual awareness campaign, which will take place April 13 through April 17.

"We believe such support will help raise public awareness of the issue," (NPCA senior director of communications and marketing outreach Valerie)Briggs said.


"After all" Briggs didn't go on. "Now that the wars in Afganistan and Iraq have been wrapped up successfully and the global economic meltdown is behind us, we at NPCA can think of no better use of time for the 111th Congress than letting people know that robbing a drugstore is a bad thing."

As the auto industry collapses around him, 29 year old Martin Briggs of Detroit would seem to perfectly illustrate the payoff of NPCA's courageous efforts.

"I feel a little foolish admitting it now" said the recently laid off Chrysler assembly worker with a budding narcotic addiction. "But until I saw this proposed piece of legislation being discussed on C-Span the other day while I was crushing some Oxycontin tablets, I had no idea that waving a pistol around at the pharmacy and demanding drugs without paying for them was a bad thing to do. Now I realize it's important to obtain a proper prescription first, and then rob a 7-11 to acquire the funds to pay for it."

"NPCA changed my life" Briggs concluded. "Do you ever feel bugs on your skin in the middle of the night? I've been feeling bugs on my skin a lot all the sudden"  

Experts predict that should NPCA be successful in actually getting members of the United States Congress to take seriously this turd of an idea, pharmacy robberies will go down by a factor of at least 50%.

"It's counterintuitive I know", said noted fictitious Harvard sociologist Howard Malone. "But the average street criminal is influenced a great deal by meaningless proclamations from their congressional delegation that have no force of law." He pointed to the dramatic fall in accidental asphyxiations among gang members after Congress declared "National Heimlich Maneuver Awareness Month" in June of 2005.

Malone then paused for a few seconds, burst out laughing and said "I was just fucking with you. No one pays attention to this stupid shit. Now get out of my office"   



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The National Community Pharmacists Association Takes Bold, Decisive Action To Safeguard Our Professional Interests.
The National Community Pharmacists Association Takes Bold, Decisive Action To Safeguard Our Professional Interests.
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